Diary 1, the croissant

Diary of a victim of rape culture 
Vol. 1 - the croissant


A Case study of internalized misogyny

TRIGGER WARNING

If you are sensible towards certain long and pointy objects, or hollow, round objects, or a combination of both, please consider not reading on

Today, I witnessed internalized mysogyny and possibly rape. It happened right before my eyes, and I couldn't stop it. I just could sit there, helpless, and didn't dare to say a word. Needless to say, I was enraged, and tried to hold my composure. It was hard, I have tell you this. But I made it. I didn't want to get into trouble, bc at my workplace, it is kinda tough to speak out for feminist ideas.

Is it sexist?

As I first called a meeting for a feminist proposal, I was being laughed at. What, I ask you, is so wrong to prohibit phallic shaped vegetables at an open office? You can get triggered by that! We have a lot of patriarchy going on here. But, alas, I'll tell you this story another time. The thing I want to talk about today is internalized misogyny.

I have a co-worker, Melany. She's a "pretty girl", and everyone around here likes her. Yea, She has taken the easy way. Her "feminine traits" get her a go around the office, She's "pretty", shaves her armpits and legs and is generally a "nice person". Doing a little bit of makeup every morning, and even going through the trouble of having long, "beautiful" hair. I asked her once why she is going through the trouble of making herself "pretty", I was in utter disbelief of her answer. She said she wanted to feel pretty and "like a woman".



Ladies, it's the 21st century and woman are still needing to feel like woman? She even goes so far as to wear shirts where you can see her collarbones and sometimes she even dares so show off her breasts, aka wearing something that shows her cleavage. I mean, I'm not jealous or something, just because her breasts are so pretty and big and she gets a lot of attention around the office, it's just that I think she's part of the part of the patriarchy, aka pleasing men in any shape or form through her mere presence.

Deeply sexist

But today, she did put the straw on the camal that broke it's back. A white male cis-heteronormative middleaged patriarch opressor co-worker came close to melany and said to her, with a dark look on his face "I got something long and tasty for you". At first, I thought she'd show her outrage over his overly sexist tone and thought. Then, he did something even more sexist and outrageous. He took the paper bag, which he was holding in his right hand, and pulled it back. I don't want to describe further what this obviously resembles, but it think you know what i mean when i say male genitalia. At this point, i was slightly shaking with fear, because I was triggered by the oppression taking place.

A croissant was hidden in that paper bag, and the Melany just giggled and had a happy look on her face because of his "present". She didn't even notice the heavily sexist undertone of his behaviour or chose to ignore it. My condition worsened, my vision blurred due to anxiety and a little bit of anguish inside of me.

And it didn't stop there, it gets even more disturbing. Melany's hands were occupied by tools and pens, and the man was in a hurry. Then he did it. It just happened, right before my very eyes. The man vicously and violently just put the croissant in her mouth, and she took a bite, and he left it on her desk for later. And she even said "thank you", with a smile on her face.

See the horrifed look on her face?
She's a terrified victim of patriarchy, too

I mean, can you believe this? Needless to say, at this point i was kind of lethargic, my inner fight was lost, seeing woman still like to get opressed like that. The croissant entered the mouth without her permission or enthusiastic consent, he just stuffed her. He took deliberatly his male strength and forced that croissant into her. That, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call rape. Clear and simple, right before my eyes, and I couldn't stop it.
my feminist indepence was crushed and i just succombed to the fact that woman like this still exist.

Feelings of depression and anxiety came rushing up to me, like a whipped stream of misogyny, leaving scars of oppression on my inner feminist body. I was so devastated, I just "got sick" for three days before I even could face melany again, and even then she even dared to ask me "what's wrong?" the first time I met her with a sorrowful look on her face. As if she'd understand! She just got mouth-raped, and was even saying thanks to him!

There you have it, a prime example for a woman hating herself so much that she even thanked the perpretrator of this violent crime.

This is internalized mysgyny, and this is wrong. 

I'm still kinda shaking and nervous about this. Couldn't sleep too well anymore since this happened.


As always, comment and subscribe.


We will win against the patriarchy!